Things I Wish People Understood About Me

1. I am not the quiet type, nor shy. I am an introvert which means I select friendships very carefully and I don’t feel the need to have dozens of friends. However, the friends I do allow know best that I am not quiet, nor shy. I am loud and I laugh too much and too noisily. If I let you get close to me you will likely find it difficult to get me to shut up.

2. Do not get offended if I don’t smile and strike up a conversation with you. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you. Usually it means I am too insecure and you intimidate me with your much cooler and confident self. Sometimes it means I simply don’t think we have enough in common to talk about. Sometimes I misjudge people as the loud, obnoxious types just as you have judged me as the quiet, shy type. And sometimes I’m just tired and/or hungry.

3. Just because I’m not smiling doesn’t mean I’m depressed or pissed off at the world. I am not the sunshine and rainbows type. I don’t walk into a room full of people and say, “Good Morning, Sunshines!”. Partially because I’m not a morning person so I’m nowhere near awake enough to be so peppy. Also, refer back to number one. I am an introvert. Please stop sending me the number to self-help hotlines.

4. Yes, I have anxiety. Yes, it’s a mental illness. Stop attaching all your preconceived ideas and stigma to those two phrases. Get over it. I am different than you but don’t treat me like an outcast or look at me like some kind of anomaly or take pity on me. Approximately 40 million American adults ages 18 and older, or about 18.1 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have an anxiety disorder. This means it’s fairly common. I can still function just like you. I go to work, go out with friends, and maintain relationships like any of you “normal” folk. But I don’t watch scary movies and I don’t ride rollercoasters. I don’t like to drive fast and public speaking makes me sweat profusely. I’m afraid of small spaces and large crowds. Going to Walmart is a nightmare for me and I prefer to avoid it at all costs. These are a few of the anxiety triggers I face daily. But I can handle it or avoid it. Just don’t make a big deal if I say I’d rather not see “The Woman in Black”.

5. Items 1-4 do not add up to one heartless bitch. Just because I’m not always smiling doesn’t mean I’m not happy. Just because I fumble my words and tense up when you cry to me that your boyfriend dumped you doesn’t mean I don’t care. I care so much that I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and I might awkwardly stare off into space trying to come up with the right words. And then you’ll think I’m not paying attention. I am an extremely compassionate and empathetic person. Most likely I’ll lay awake that night thinking about you and feeling your pain. I’ll probably cry while I try to think of ways I might help and then reflect back on similar situations I faced and cry some more. I’ll probably sit and try to watch “Lilo and Stitch” to cheer me up, but then sob each time someone mentions “ohana”. And then I’ll start thinking about my own ohana and all the times I messed up and hurt them or let them down. And then I’ll cry some more. And then I’ll pour a bowl of cereal, munch out, and go to sleep. Because that’s just a normal day for me.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”

- Washington Irving

#anxiety #mentalillness #introvert #happiness